TRUST THE PROCESS!

Transformation is not easy. Which is why, when faced with it, you have the choice: evolve or repeat? To choose to evolve is brave, its beautiful and its HARD. I recently heard Russell Brand talking about how the caterpillar to butterfly metaphor has been somewhat glamorised to reflect the change in our own humanness as we grow, deconstruct and morph to something or someone different from the skin we wore before.

Stories of ‘its ok, it’s all pretty and quick’ etc. From A to B, simples innit. Ta da all done = wings. 

But in reality, it’s not that easy or painless at all. Rather, it’s more a case of from A to UNKNOWN LETTER and back again, around a few hair-raising bends, a couple of dead ends and some internal meltdowns, an identity crisis and (all together now) ....FIVE GOLD RINGS! It is messy, erratic, confusing and at times completely unfathomable. 

If we look at transformation truthfully by way of the caterpillar’s metamorphosis the actual process is really rather gruesome. The caterpillar, when mutating and evolving into the butterfly, must completely and utterly dissolve. It becomes nothing more than a big soupy mass of cells and hormones as each and every cell of the caterpillar is preprogramed to self-destruct, it literally disintegrates. Metamorphosis is not just some beautiful physical transformation from grub to winged beauty as depicted by many, but in fact a stunning display of the evolutionary mechanism at work.

All that was; now completely transformed in the most horrific, magical, and unsightly fashion and the result is the romantic vision of a beautiful butterfly spreading its wings to fly! Yet to get there and become a creature of total contrast the caterpillar must trust fully in this diabolical and deathly process. It is also quite natural for some caterpillars to fail at times in creating the perfect cocoon to allow this process to begin. How many of us can identify with that feeling? I have visions of a poor little thing begrudgingly yet instinctively making his cocoon, shaking a few of its many feet at the sky saying ‘I didn’t sign up for this, why do I need a f**king cocoon anyways’ totally oblivious to its awaiting destiny and, let’s face it, if it really knew what awaited, would it choose to go there? Probably not. 

Butterflies and caterpillars don't just look different — they behave differently. Nothing remains of the before life once the butterfly emerges. Nothing but the breath that is. As what needs to exist in this gloopy and bizarre deconstruction, this chaotic time of change, is oxygen. Throughout its experience both the caterpillar and the developing butterfly breathe through tiny pores called spiracles, even when it’s a gloopy unrecognisable mess. Each spiracle carries oxygen into the chrysalis which functions like lungs in concert with the tracheae. What anchors this remarkable transition throughout its process is the breath. It is the only component in this amazing display of nature’s metamorphosis which remains the same. The cocoon becomes the lung, supporting and sustaining the changes. Reliable and constant. 

The moral of the story: if we want to reflect on the metaphor of metamorphosis, then whichever stage you find yourself in during your human transformation - be it the messy middle, the tentative cocoon stage, or the oblivious calling of your soul to change - the breath will be the one thing to rely on to carry you through this extraordinary journey, and of course beyond. It’s our gift, our life force and our magic. 

Remember this: When all around you feels like chaos, keep coming back to your breath to anchor you to the now. Do not dwell on doubts such as whether your cocoon can hold you, did you build it right, will you ever find your wings and worse still even know how to use them! TRUST in this transformation bringing you exactly what you need, as nature had this all sussed out a long time ago. Trust it no matter how painful, messy, alien or difficult it might feel. 

Choose to evolve. Trust the process and stay present.    

Be more caterpillar and BREATHE.

IS 2020 JUST ONE BIG COLLECTIVE DYAD?

If so.... Tell Me Who You Are

At the very beginning of this experience, way back in March, someone casually said to me “This lock-down feels like one big “Dyad experience” and I couldn’t stop thinking about it!

Here we all are cooped up in this uncertain and weird social void. A unique and unpredictable place in time, of which we're all collectively a part (even if it is unwillingly) finding out exactly who we are, like it or not. While in and amongst the forced solitude, with all distractions removed, this self-inquiry is quite literally being shoved in our face with little or no room for escape! What becomes of the caged animal?

No more hiding places exist as we're pushed and forced into parts of ourselves we have previously never needed to acknowledge, all thanks to a plethora of life noise, chatter, routines, obligations, commuting, workloads, excuses of plans and appointments and general busyness. We simply didn't have to go there, why? Well because 'we just didn't have the time'. 

But now what else can we do with endless days stretched out before us begging to be filled up with something? Anything? Suddenly we have all the time in the world and this beautiful and provocative gift of time is leading us into the maze of self to hold in front of us the mirror of our own solitude; and it's a fucking big mirror - one that we all seem a bit surprised to see! “How could I have missed that?” we'll coo to ourselves as it begins to throw up parts of ourselves we've kept cleverly hidden for most, or likely all of our current lifetime.  

During this epidemic were you brought face to face with yourself? Was this a real inconvenient truth test for some of you? Not able to escape from ourselves, as the earth whispered, wakey wakey.  Having everything stripped back no labels to hide behind, no work to consume you.  It can be painful to see yourself for the first time, but if you managed it, if you saw through the chaos of it all...

Well done, keep going.... now... Tell me who you are.

Because this is exactly how the Dyad works, we sit and face another and through mindful and deliberate communication we can enter into a conscious state of recognition of who we are. Held in a space of non-judgement and safety, allowing the speaker to unravel and explore the authentic threads which ultimately lead them back to themselves. It’s daunting and exposing seeing and feeling into all these little nooks and crannies. Its deep, quite possibly overwhelming, uncomfortable and unknown territory to many. 

Who are you without your job? 

Who are you without your social life? 

Who are you without your routine/freedom/family/relationship?

Tell me who you are?

Who are you without these labels: employee, worker, sister, brother, father, mother, partner, friend, wife, husband, pet owner, creative, extrovert, introvert, shopper, foodie, party animal etc etc. The labels are endless cover-ups of our true essence. Yet this isolation is giving us plenty of time for personal introspection. Stripping us all back to our basic humanness without the ‘bells ‘n’ whistles’, the noise or the external circus to distract us and this will have been tough for some of us. Sadly, and with great compassion, I acknowledge that it has been too much altogether for others and I hold their brave souls in my heart. 

This is a time in history of death and rebirth; the unavoidable polarity of the human experience bringing losses and gains, loops and turns, peaks and troughs. I'm by no means being cold or heartless to anyone's personal journey as I am at my core connected to all things and all things to me; their pain is my pain, my love is their love. Our truth is one truth. We just might see it through different eyes and attach a very different narrative to it.  We are all different creatures in our humanness and this is simply coming from my personal observation and not intended to judge or criticise. I am just a curious being and these anomalies of the human experience fascinate me.  

One thing I felt compelled to do at the start of all this was to pull away from social media just as this almighty shit storm hit the fan; it felt like there was suddenly so much noise online to compensate for the loss of offline noise, the rush of online activities and the bombardment of insistence that we must create online communities etc; surely that detracts from learning to be still and embrace just ‘being’?  For me, this was just another form of distraction, of 'doing' and of social noise. We shouldn't need to try and chase self development or turn ourselves into a project because the very nature of this experience is doing that for us if we just bloody stop ‘doing’ long enough and let it. This is the gift in the chaos. 

We've almost unwittingly been able to use this time, free of external offers of healing, just allowing ourselves to be with ourselves, quietly, uncomfortably at times perhaps yes; but in the safe spaces of our own homes where we can question it all, break down, cry, laugh, be confused, lonely and out of sorts because really it is OK to do all these things but we've been programmed to perceive it as wrong, dramatic or too out of the comfort zone! Well fuck the comfort zone it is time TO FEEL. This is what we've been avoiding and how can you know who you truly are if you cannot strip it back at a time when there is absolutely nothing to distract you? Let's take the time to roll around in the inner depths pulling at our own masks so they eventually slip, come loose and drop to wriggle free of the false self and emerge with a new fresh perspective? Showing up fully, in truth and authenticity.  

Matt Khan put it beautifully 'We are a 20'000 year old project of the divine, hand it back to that which created it.'

Meaning; our perceived identities are tied up in the layers upon layers of social conditioning, in the noise, in the distractions, in the labels. This gift of quiet reflection is stretching us out and forcing us into uncharted corners of ourselves as powerful new energies seep into our cracks like water; filling the spaces with new and fluid lessons. Turning us back into who we are meant to be, not who we 'think' we are. 2020 is illuminating the way, showing us exactly who we really are individually and collectively. Returning us to a better place, a reset of the internal and external realities. Check in with yourself and find out if you are stuck behind the mask, behind the labels and behind the distractions. Remove it all if you dare and look into your own eyes and ask, who am I? Are you brave enough to sink into yourself acknowledge what you find with loving awareness and courage? Evolving into this new earth to create change. 

One thing I'm sure of is there will be a hell of a lot of us out there who are most definitely not walking out of this experience as the same people who went into it. Maybe slightly battered and a little bruised, but stronger, wiser and eyes wide open to what is really going on. Trusting implicitly in our new-found selves emerging, blinking into the sun slightly dazed and confused from this bizarre yet necessary process.  To know thyself at profound soul level really is one of the most difficult yet exhilarating (inner) road trips you will ever embark upon - and quite possibly the only road trip you will be able to take for quite a while. 

So, sit in front of yourself and ask the question... Tell me who you are? The answers you seek are already within you; you maybe just haven't had the time until now to hear them.  

The Dyad

'In our "normal" conversation we are almost always giving people advice with one person tending to dominate the other. We don’t "normally" know how to just listen with an open mind - without taking sides. This "normal" conversation results in a level of abuse that creates and amplifies "group think." The dyad is a process of interpersonal communication designed to prevent this abuse. The dyad looks simple enough with two people sitting in chairs or on pillows on the floor facing each other. The dyad in practice is difficult to achieve. It is not a conversation. The dyad is a process of completing communication cycles and listening without judgement. The listening partner must try to remain neutral so that the active partner is left free to be either positive or negative'

2020 the year of TRUST.

All of us at some point have struggled with trust its inevitable, sometimes in the process of life, in the choices we have to make and the perceived outcome, trusting in situations and people and of course in ourselves. But the biggest most powerful place of trust sits in that of the loving and committed relationship. 

Not a single soul on earth is free of this 'Trust Test' and at times it really does feel like a test. So as 2020 continues to rattle along like a giant roller coaster with a few wonky wheels and no breaks there is without doubt a whole new level of trust being born... as our relationship with our beloved Mother Earth is tested.

Its such a small word yet it carries an enormous amount of weight its as emotive as it is demanding because the extreme distance between having trust and not having trust in a relationship is a vast and cataclysmic void. Trust can invoke the deepest levels of safety, security, focus and clarity when its abundant, strong and alive to the dark recesses of the polarised flip side of devastation, anger, chaos and fear. Any loss of deep trust can be all encompassing and destroy the most seemingly robust of circumstances in a millisecond. It has the power to rip through us like a wildfire leaving behind something very different to what was there before.


...and so this is the place in which we find ourselves now our commitment to the Great Mother stripped right back to basics to a place where the trust needs to begin again where our relationship is being stretched and moulded into something different than before. In the midst of this swirling chaotic, mess something is waiting to be created anew. Finding ourselves at the glorious but intrepid start of a new level in our relationship entering into it with belief there now has to be a deeper trust in each other like never before. Stronger in our heart space, believing in one another again with blissful childlike determination of that truth as we dance around each other with clumsy apologies, sussing each other out with different eyes. We are here at the dance of a new beginning.  

I truly believe Mother Earth has unwavering trust in us to use this global epidemic to make much needed changes, she is calling out to us. So we in turn must fathom some comfort in the confusion surrounding us that this had to happen and trust it is for our greater good, even when it feels like its not. 

Just like any relationship you have to have trust in the other that they've your best interests at heart and will never let you down; this earth did just that holding us safe for so long; she has stood by us faithfully, lovingly, forever giving to us and we let her down time after time. So its not a big surprise we find ourselves in this surreal place like the biggest row is happening between us and our planet, she is raging and we have had to stop and listen. Its no wonder we find ourselves at this point of retaliation because like any kind, supportive and patient significant other; we just pushed her too far.    

Now its up to us to rebuild and earn back her trust and respect as well as the trust in ourselves to honour her in the way she truly deserves. To trust in our abilities as a collective to nurse our only home back to health and make it right again. 

Its time, time to step forward and rebuild this beautiful and destined relationship carefully, purposefully, differently and responsibly. 

I do believe 2020 is most definitely the year of trust.    

Conscious Relationships the new paradigm...

As we look around us everything we know from the old world is crumbling away; governments, hierarchy systems, power structures, corporate machines the list goes on... the old is dying and it's probably going to get worse before it gets better, but our courageous and unyielding trust in the better is the very energy we need to create it. What was, is now dissolving and as the rise of the collective consciousness gains momentum we are pulled evermore towards the higher 5D reality.

  

So then, it must be a given that our relationship dynamics also need to crumble and re-emerge as something different. Something more sacred. Not only within ourselves, but with others and undoubtedly with our beautiful and selfless planet.

Ego battles, the co-dependency structure, control, the neediness etc; none of it supports our individual or collective evolution. Its an old out dated paradigm created from years of suppression and repression and what is replacing it - both collectively and individually through this rather messy and necessary rebirth - is the rising up of the real, the authentic, the raw, the gritty, the no more bullshit mentality and thank god it's not all sparkly and romantic or pretty and perfect as the stories of previous generations would have us believe.  

Just as deep unwavering, no nonsense unveiling is required to complete your own healing journey albeit globally or personally. If you are not willing to dedicate the same level of uncomfortable truth seeking and embodied commitment to evolving together in a conscious relationship, then quite frankly it wont work. We are moving into a mass energetic reboot where we are more in charge and responsible for ourselves than ever before. Spiritual bypassing is no longer an option; a total and unequivocal stripping back and primal acceptance of who we are at a soul level is required. If we are this determined to clear out our own baggage which haunts these meat skeletons we wander around in, then the same commitment to inner work and truth needs to be applied to the conscious relationship.

Couples placing their love and commitment to their own growth and development first - honoured by their equal as they do the same by experiencing evolution and integration at a profound soul level - creates an expansive and divine space between them to beautifully flourish. 

There will be pain, fear, confusion and anger these feelings won't just disappear but are  navigated by both, with minimal projections. Rather than blaming, shaming or ego dramas there is a joint belief of open communication, deep trust and space holding. Where self-care is the priority, vulnerability is a necessity and learning about each others' past from a place of non-judgement, love and respect, is paramount. Setting boundaries as individuals, while loving and respecting the individual in each other, is the new normal and healthy. This means speaking up with a reassured confidence about your needs and wants, with no deflection or diversion tactics, just open minds and open hearts, even if you disagree.

The commitment to being fully present and in full awareness of each other:“I hear you, I see you as you do me.” Dropping the defence mechanism for the creative outlook and delving into the internal toolbox to be able to securely weather any storm. To not run when it gets tough, but to maintain a resolute commitment to each other throughout the unpleasant or painful. Feeling into the struggle, embracing it and utilising it for new growth. Knowing that the foundation is solid, built of two grounded whole and perfectly imperfect souls. 

A beautiful castle with impenetrable walls to those which seek to invade or attack. A wild, unstoppable joint force of healing, wisdom and knowledge, ready to leap into this world to honour it and be of service to it. Acceptance of all parts of the other is supported and held as you accept all parts of yourself and bound together in acceptance set about on this journey with eyes wide open. A sacred commitment to all aspects of the relationship,with a deep-rooted anchor to your own sense of self, each other and the universe. 

These types of relationships are not for everyone. They're for the seekers, the brave, the healed, the warriors and the goddesses. They are for the ones who do not fear the broken parts of themselves or others. They are for the ones who are already standing strong in their own light despite wading through the darkest parts of themselves. These relationships will be powerful, but they will also test your commitment to yourself and your ability to blissfully expand in union. 

This type of sacred union is being called into service at this exact point in our evolution for a purpose. The conscious couple have an innate knowing of this timing and sit in full awareness of how much more beauty, light and magic they can manifest into this world; if walking side by side, in love, in creation, in solidarity, in strength and in truth.

Because together we rise.

If My Breath 

If my breath were the wind, I would blow all worrying from the earth

Leaves and twine tumble and splay 

Sun would shine so bright to soften the squalls

While awaiting the coolness of the moon; to soothe her

If only my breath could blow the worries of the earth away.

Trees bend forth against this breeze, roots smiling inside the earth

The birds open winged, glide and skate upon the cleansing breeze

They know, they know.

Moonbeams dance and clap to this song with joy, with ease.

  

If only my breath could blow the worries of the earth away.   

Time would join us escaping confines and dictations, just to be free

The rivers, the seas, beyond the sky against the stars

My breath capturing the sickly muddle and darkness

Cleansing the Great Mother of all her pain and scars

If only my breath could blow the worries of the earth away.

So, for today I just breathe. I breathe with deep love

I breathe to bring change

My breath can blow the worries of the earth away

Touching the moon, the sun, the trees, the birds

The sky, the stars, the rivers, the sea  

For I am the earth and she, she is me.

Written by Susannah Smith, 2019.

There is a Super Power in you.... and its in the last place you'll look.

What is your Superpower? 

Why has this question become a such a big deal these days? A very empowering question if you know the answer and the answer can be stated boldly and bravely in the right environment and by the right environment I mean amongst trusted people, friends, family say your vibe tribe etc. to be discussed openly, explored and its powerful recognition honoured.  

 

Yet this new super question has somehow weaved its way into a society as a norm in various bizarre environments as to appear cool and creative, which it can be when it’s a genuine thought-provoking question.  It can also be just as superfluous (in the realms of the corporate environment anyways) as being asked ‘what’s your middle name’.  Carol in finance couldn’t give a rat’s fanny either way let’s be honest. 

 

Most recently for me it popped up in a HR app at work in my more muggle role. I was asked to 'complete my profile' this was basically so you can apply for holidays?! Why does this require the personal and private information of my superpower? My favourite memory? Inside leg measurement etc etc. No BOB as the app is affectionally named - NO! But it requires this nugget of wisdom and NONE SHALL PASS THEE until these boxes are completed. So, it’s not even optional its fucking obligatory. 

Rude. 

 

Managing to ignore it (a superpower right there) for as long as I could without much distress to my daily life but after a while I was backed into a corner. I wanted a holiday. Fate had chosen. So, I decided to mull this poignant and deeply revealing question over with real intention. What the fuck is my superpower? After much thought and observing myself for a while, it became so clear.

 

My name is Susie, and my superpower is: Being Socially Awkward.

 

Now I say this because I have decided to own this particular trait of mine and turn it from a negative into a positive. I step into my superpower BUT I am not happy about being asked this on a HR system for all to see because then it unleashes a wave of questions mostly from people like Carol in Fun’ance! 

            A superpower is obviously supposed to be POWERFUL and as society continues to pile the pressure on (mostly younger) people and create hungry approval seekers gorging themselves on self-adulation and ignoring the shadow self, what hope do we have? You can't just gain power from the light soz, lolz. All this does is encourage us to ssshh down the parts of us which are uncomfortable. So what if you are a High Achiever whose superpower is Patience (YAWN) or a Team Leader whose Superpower is Diplomacy (bangs head against wall).

They are not superpowers they are just labels you know people want to see on you, in a boxed in restricted environment that would control your bladder in a heartbeat if it could make more money out of your desk time. 

So yeah, Being Socially Awkward is mine an imma gonna OWN it. I’ll tell you why I am so good, ney powerful at being socially awkward shall I… it mainly stems from being partially deaf so in any busy noisy social situation its sometimes rather hellish to navigate. I tend to lip read but lip reading a stranger isn’t as easy as say lip reading a friend I’ve known for years; it takes a bit more time so half the time I don’t really hear what someone has said to me and basically just take a wild stab in the dark that they were discussing the current overgrown courgette crisis! Invariably its wrong (no shit Sherlock) and I gleefully and enthusiastically release a random sentence completely unrelated to the conversation. 

I know the 'look' when this misdemeanour has fallen out of my face as I've seen it a thousand times at this point I recoil, go cold, feel stupid and want to exit the situation as quickly as possible by either casually moonwalking away or pirouette towards the door like some sort of Swan Lake lead. This usually defuses the situation long enough for me to make my escape...to the echoes of 'Oh yeah Susie, I know her..... she's a bit odd'. 

This then manifests as my running out of things to say to strangers in those types of social situations as I created a belief of it being pointless to even start a conversation I mean I’M DEAF there is only so far it can go before it gets weird… would you ask a blind person to look at your holiday photos? No. 

I really can smash it right out the park in the awkward stakes. This is my SUPERPOWER y'all. Welcome.  

The other tactic used was to just avoid people I didn't know, a simple manoeuvre but alas then I am perceived as rude, unsociable, or moody. Not getting to meet or talk to some people I would actually really like to chat with but can't be bothered/feared the whole above scenario, so I'd shut myself away, put myself in lock down guard up, walls impenetrable! Pushed it all away.  
This used to hurt me a great deal, it truly did, leaving me feeling very isolated and misunderstood for years but now having worked through so much of my shit, its not something I ruminate over or dwell on. I have owned my flaws and imperfections and the ability to overthrow the mental prison it used to hold me in, now I LOVE MY ODD. That’s why it’s my superpower because facing it set me free. Seeing it, owning it, loving it so that now I can recognise my quirky responses are all part of who I am. At my most authentic level they make me, me and it’s all part of who I am in this form. I fully embrace my deafness and awkwardness now, I’ve grown in my bravery and tell people in advance or ask people to tap my arm if they are talking to me and I appear not to be paying attention. I've learnt to embrace it now rather than be embarrassed and weighed down by it. I just let go. 

The moral of this story, if you really need one is simple; all parts of you are powerful, even the bits you find hard to love and you think no one else will love. But celebrate them, love them anyway because they are what make you uniquely you. Don't hide them away, sit with them discover them and then work to integrate what surrounds them and holds you back from your full and glorious shine.  

Remember you can't always see what someone is struggling with, not all things are visible. So, walk through this life with non-judgement and be kind, be open hearted. After all, we are simply here to walk each other home. 

Just for the record, I'd still pirouette out of the room like a Swan Lake lead if required and i'd own that too!

...oh and btw, Carol was actually a lovely lady.